This just in from Fake News.

Hawaii Department of Emergency management is in need of an immediate hire.
The mission of Hawaiʻi Emergency Management Agency is to help the Hawaiʻi Ohana prepare for, respond to, and recover from disasters and emergencies.

Our Values at Hawaii Department of Emergency Management

Hawaiʻi Emergency Management Agency staff are guided by our core values

  •  To care for or protect (Only for the elected officials)
  • Commitment to excellence (we have not demonstrated this one but we are working on it)
  • Courage (We have demonstrated this one recently)

Easy Button

Job Location: Island of Oahu

Job Title: Button Pusher

Job Duties and Responsibilities: Not limited to answering phones, monitoring computers, taking important messages and acting upon those message even when scared. Cause the immediate panic of citizens, become a scapegoat when needed and be familiar with the legal system.

Minor Duties and Responsibilities: Carry extra underwear, ask questions but don’t expect answers, dial FEMA and FCC when needed.

Education Qualifications: 12th Grade Education or GED. This can be waived.

Experience Qualifications: None

Other Qualifications: Talk and walk/ride/crawl

Key Competency Required: Phone skills, listening skills, decision making, talking to investigators, having a lawyer on speed dial.

Other Information:  This position is exempt from the civil service and considered temporary in nature.  Therefore, if you are appointed to the position, your employment will be considered to be “at will,” which means that you may be discharged from your employment at the prerogative of your department head or designee at any time.


To apply visit the contact page for Hawaii Emergency Management.

Submit resumes to:
Department of Defense
State Human Resources Office
3949 Diamond Head Road room 117
Honolulu, HI  96816-4495

This is a Drill